naivete

Never again. That much is for sure. Never again am I putting my sanity on the line like this. Never again am I trusting another family's decency. Because appearances are always decieving.

"Oh, but we are giving you the best! The best room, best towels, the best house. Star treatment! How can you throw it back in our face?"

Because you can't see me, can you? You never took into account that you were allowing another person to enter your lives. Another person with another perspective and another way of doing things. That is not to say that I am not open minded. Jesus am I trying my darndest to roll with the punches, to go with the flow, to take things lightly. But in turn, I ask for a little respect, and a little understanding. Understand that I'm learning. That you need to commincate with me. That I am not a mind reader.

Now she's talking about me, I'm sure. About last night. About the disaster that is me. If you are so frustrated with me, so disappointed, so furious, then fire me. Do something. Because I'm out of options. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know how to appeal to you. I'm sorry you thought I was someone I'm not. But you should have asked me questions about myself from the beginning. If tennis is important to you, why didn't you tell me so? If I was supposed to be athletic to please you, you should have said something from the get go. Because I could have told you that I am none of these things. That I can't play tennis. That I am not athletic. That I like quiet things and books, and respect. And we could have stopped wasting each other's time a year ago.

But no. No, you said nothing. And now what? It's too late, is it not? Already a year of our lives are gone, money has been spent and impressions have been changed. So now what? Do you want me to quit? I can't. I don't have enough money to get home. But if you'll pay for my ticket, take me to the airport, fine with me. I'd be happy to leave. I'd leave tonight.

Still, no. Of course not.

Dear God, get me out of here.